Wednesday, December 4, 2013

NOTHING Says Christmas Like A Kardashian Christmas Card! (Or Is It - A Kardashian Christmas Card Says Nothing About Christmas?)

People have complained to me that in each and every single Sunday rant, I always close with something pertinent to America's #1 family of skanks and trollops, the fabulous Kardashians.   I honestly wish that people would understand that I take a shot every single week at these misfits for the simple reason that they are symbolic of the collapse of America itself by the fact that Americans focus so much attention on garbage such as them instead of concentrating on things that really matter... Such as actually saving the nation from total economic collapse!

Well.... Today, I came across a most interesting article that contains this year's fabulous "Kardashian Christmas Card" and I took one look at the article and the "card" and I knew that it belonged here due to my undying love of this family (gag!).... The article comes from the Digital Spy website, at, and is entitled: "Kardashian Christmas Card 2013 Is Unveiled: 18 Things We Noticed"  and I have it right here for all of my own readers to read and view for themselves... I have, of course, my own thoughts and comments to follow:

Kardashian Christmas card 2013 is unveiled: 18 things we've noticed

Forget the Coca-Cola advert. Forget the chill in the air. Forget the arrival of advent calendars. We know it's really Christmas now because the Kardashian family has unveiled the 2013 edition of their Christmas card - and not a moment too soon!

This is the latest in a grand tradition, but this year's Kardashian Khristmas Kard (sorry) just takes things to another level. Gone are the days of co-ordinated clothing, a white background and rictus grins. This year, the Kardashians have gone further than ever before with a dystopian tableaux shot by David LaChapelle. The more you look at this photograph, the darker it gets. So without further ado, here are the 18 things we've noticed about the Kardashian Christmas Card 2013.

[Click to enlarge]
The Kardashian Christmas card 2013
© E! / David LaChapelle / The Kardashians
The Kardashian Christmas card 2013

1. Obviously, the eye is drawn to Kim - who is once again 'showing off her glorious post-baby body'. There's no doubt that she looks stunning but do you think she realized that 'The End' is lit up above her? The end of what? Days? Pop culture? Society? Who knows.

2. The massive, sparkly dollar sign. The true meaning of Christmas, right there.

3. The dismantled mannequins. The perfect dolls, broken apart and destroyed. An idealised image, reduced to dust.

4. The pile of discarded celebrity magazines. Take that, tabloids! We're stomping all over you! On the other hand, you're a massive part of our Christmas card (and therefore our lives).

5. The biblical imagery. Yeezus might not be there in person, but golly, he's there in spirit. Similarly, North might not have made the cut (sorry, North) but there are lots of pictures of babies so that's nice, isn't it?

6. At least two Illuminati symbols. Go crazy, internet.
Kylie and Kendall Jenner in the Kardashian Christmas card
© E! / David LaChapelle / The Kardashians
Kylie and Kendall Jenner in the Kardashian card

7. Kendall and Kylie Jenner. We can't help but notice that they both have dresses which are almost identical, leg-wise, to older half-sister Kim. We can only assume that this means they will be following in her footsteps. Also, Kylie looks angry.

8. Something burning. Because no Christmas card would be complete without flames and despair.

9. Lots of television screens. A biting commentary on the fact that this family lives their life on screen.

10. There's not much to say about Khloe except to marvel about her fantastic hair. Mind you, we're concerned about Mason, who's slumped over like he's already bored of this whole 'being a Kardashian' thing. Mason is 3 years old. It's too early for him to be world-weary.

11. An ATM sign. Ka-ching!

12. Kourtney is holding baby Penelope, who is at least upright unlike her brother. But even she is stretching out her hand, as if wistful - dreaming for something just out of reach.
The Kardashian Christmas card
© E! / David LaChapelle / The Kardashians
The Kardashian Christmas card

13. Kris Jenner. Where do we start with Kris Jenner? For one thing, I bet she didn't know that the words 'fame' and 'money' would be scrawled in scratchy font above her head, like a recrimination. On a shallower note, what even is that headpiece?

14. The ribbons. This is basically the only thing that even hints towards Christmas, aside from a few desultory colored lights in the back of shot.

15. The twisted golden statue, mangled on the ground. See point 3.

16. Bruce. This is genuinely the saddest, most depressing part of the card. Bruce is trapped inside some kind of cylinder - which, we can only assume, is losing air rapidly - and can only stare at the man he once was. Bruce was an Olympian, but now his beloved medals hang desolately on a faceless, armless mannequin. Bruce's hands are pressed against the glass, looking at what he once was and wailing over what now is. It doesn't help his tube is marked 'cashier', either.

17. Still, at least Bruce made the card. Where is North? Kanye? Lamar? SCOTT? We must disappointingly acknowledge that this Kardashian Christmas card is sorely lacking some Mr Disick. He would have fit right in, what with his 'using dollars as toilet paper' and all.

18. The whole: we want to cry.

NTS Notes:  Like I said in the title of this article.. NOTHING Says Christmas Like A Kardashian Christmas Card"!....And from what we see here, I am not kidding!

This "card" is a pure insult to everything that Christmas stands for... For starters, where the heck is the nativity scene? Where are the real symbols of Christmas?   Where is the Christmas tree?

Like I said, people may complain that I take too many shots at the Kardashians... But this time all of my attacks on this family of misfits is justified.   This "Christmas Card" is an insult to everyone AND contains so many "illuminati" and "New World Order" imagery that it defies logic....

As the article states.. Take the time to look over this picture and if you can find anything else that you find disturbing, please send it to me in the comment section of this blog.... And yes, I will continue to take my shots at this group in my Sunday rants....

More to come



Passionate Pragmatist said...

Utterly disgusting and oh-so masonicly satanic.

Did anyone notice the nude woman to the left of Kylie?

Noor al Haqiqa said...

Shame on you NTS! You have been boring me for YEARS telling me about all those Kardashian shows you watch, insisting I hear all the gory details...

and now you slam them for being all that you have admired over the years?

Have you no integrity? I can hear Kim weeping already!

HAHA.... gotcha!

Vigilant Citizen also does an excellent breakdown of this article bringing forth other arcane features to this artistic (!) disaster.

The Kardashian 2013 Christmas Card: A Tribute to the Illuminati Entertainment Industry